I think of this blog as my second child (Fozzie being my first). After all, I carried it with me for exactly nine months and, after birthing (announcing) it on Friday, I experienced a little “postpartum” sadness. At first, I wasn’t quite sure what I was feeling. Why wasn’t I ecstatic to finally, after what seemed like an eternity, get it out there? Why wasn’t I relieved to finally set it free? I had gotten so much love and positive feedback from friends and family members, so it couldn’t be that I felt it was absolute crap. Still, I just couldn’t seem to figure out why, after I launched my baby out into the Universe, I felt as if somebody close to me had just died.
On top of feeling sad, I was also feeling a lot of fear. I was aware this fear was a result of releasing such personal details about my journey into the great wide open, and I feared that what I put out there would not be received in the way I’d hoped. In order to process this fear, I had to remind myself of why I was doing this work in the first place. Why was I exposing my vulnerable self for the world to see? Once I brought myself back to center, the fear lifted. I want to help others. That is my “why.” Even though I was able to let go of the fear, I still felt pretty sad.
After pondering it for some time, I realized that when an idea (especially one that exposes us on a personal level) comes to fruition, we go through a similar type of grieving, as the idea leaves the body and makes its way out into the atmosphere. It is a loss, so to speak, as it is no longer solely a part of us, but is now available to all beings. To see. To judge. To like or dislike. To embrace. To resonate with.
I thought perhaps I was also feeling a sudden disconnect from all the hard work I’d been doing in an effort to get this baby ready to share (think all the work that goes into planning a wedding and then, poof! It’s all over in the blink of an eye!). Then I thought maybe it was because I didn’t get some immediate internal fireworks reaction I was hoping for after I hit “post.”
And I had to remind myself that it’s ok to feel sad. It’s ok to feel loss. It’s ok to grieve, regardless of what it is we are grieving. It doesn’t matter the reason, as long as we allow ourselves to feel.
So, now that it’s out there, finding its way, I will sit with my emotion and let this baby evolve into whatever it’s meant to become.
Enjoy the rest of your Monday, everyone. Would love to hear your thoughts in comments below.